Tag Archives: humor
So, about two and a half years ago, I had posted the first part of this story on this blog. I hope you enjoy them!
Amuse Me Part Two
Cosmo gaped, unsure as to what he was seeing. There were chunks of rock suddenly floating in the sky, rock that used to form the moon. Would those rocks be pulled to Earth? The rocks looked small in the distance, but how much land would they cover if they crashed into the planet?
“What just…” Cosmo shook his head, wide awake at witnessing the moon being destroyed. He bolted into his house to his television, searching for any news broadcast that would cover this phenomenon. Surely Cosmo was not the only one to witness–
A deep red light flashed outside of his window. Cosmo stared at some sort of forcefield creeping up over the horizon, crawling up into the air until the night sky was completely blocked by the light.
His phone rang, making Cosmo jump and bang his shin on his coffee table. He cursed soundly before answering the call. “Hello?”
“Have you looked outside?!”
“Yes, Murphy,” Cosmo said, his eyes taking in the red light again. “It’s a bit hard to miss–”
“How do you sound so calm?” Murphy asked, his voice nearly shrill in a panic.
“What do you want me to do?” Cosmo retorted. “I don’t have a handy spaceship to fly up there and repair the moon!”
Murphy fell quiet. Cosmo stayed on the line, just listening to his friend’s breathing, and waited. “What’s going to happen now?” Murphy eventually asked.
“I don’t know,” Cosmo said. “I guess the tides will be affected… The nights will be darker–”
“Are you kidding me?” Murphy asked. “That’s what you’re thinking about? We have this alien force field covering the planet, and you’re thinking about the ocean tides?!”
“You think this is because of aliens?” Cosmo deadpanned.
“Of course!” Murphy said. “What else could it be?”
Cosmo rolled his eyes and did not answer. He had no better explanation, but he was not so crazy as to believe aliens. Murphy went on about aliens and why they must be the culprits, and Cosmo allowed him to rant, if only to let his friend calm down a touch from this strange event. Cosmo focused on the outside, noticing that the red force field reminded him of the woman at the restaurant. The red resembled her wine.
“–then they’re going to beam up our cows and, what?”
“How well do you think we’d be able to see the damage from Green Park?”
It took a few moments before Murphy swore. “You think that scary lady had something to do with this?” he asked. “She was weird, I know, but how could even she… You know what, never mind. I’ll come pick you up and we’ll figure this out.”
“Should we?” Cosmo asked. “I mean, I’m going out on a limb here, but I think the world’s governments are probably all over this–”
“You don’t want to be part of it?” Murphy asked. “C’mon, man. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“We could get beamed up instead of the cows,” Cosmo said.
“Ah-HA! So you do believe in aliens!”
“I do not,” Cosmo said. “I’ll come with you just to prove you wrong.”
“Perfect, I’ll see you in a few.” The line went dead.
Cosmo sighed and changed out of his work uniform for a comfortable pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He donned a light jacket and placed his keys, wallet, and cell phone into his pockets just as his truck pulled up to the side of the street. Murphy waved delightedly as Cosmo caught up to the car.
“Move over,” Cosmo said. “I’m driving my car.”
Murphy pouted but did as he was told. “I didn’t do anything to your baby,” Murphy said indignantly when Cosmo began to check over his truck.
“You did play around with the seat buttons,” Cosmo said, undoing Murphy’s handiwork.
“I can’t help it if I’m shorter than you,” Murphy said. “Hurry up and let’s go to Green Park. Maybe we’ll meet your girlfriend there.”
Cosmo shuddered, but put the car in drive and cruised down the streets. Not too many other vehicles were on the roads, and the few they did pass by had pulled over to the side so the passengers could get out and gawk at the force field.
“Everyone seems to be outside,” Murphy murmured as he stared out the window.
“What else would they all be doing?” Cosmo asked.
“Go and investigate like us.”
“Not everyone is as crazy as us.”
Murphy chuckled dryly, and nothing else was said during the rest of the short trip to the Green Park. Cosmo pulled the car into the lot and hesitated before climbing out of the vehicle. Murphy was out before the car was put into park, and he had bounced toward the path that led to the middle of the park.
“Let’s go,” Murphy said.
“Wait,” Cosmo said, catching up to grab a hold of Murphy’s arm. “Say we find the source of this force field. What are we going to do about it?”
Murphy paused. “Obviously we try to avoid getting beamed up by the aliens. Although that could be kind of cool, actually, as long as we don’t get prodded too much–”
“Will you stop with this alien nonsense?” Cosmo asked. “It can’t be aliens. Aliens don’t exist.”
Murphy gestured to the bright red light in the sky. “What else could it be?”
“I…” Cosmo stared at the lights, having no answer. “I just refuse to believe in aliens.”
“You have no imagination,” Murphy said with a scoff, and began to lead the way down the park’s path. “We cannot be the only life forms in this universe. A couple of other races were in the middle of a battle, of course.”
“Of course,” Cosmo said dryly, following Murphy at a slower pace.
Murphy continued with, “One race accidentally blasted the moon to pieces and, upon realizing what they did to an innocent bystander like us, threw up a force field to protect us from the moon pieces.”
“That’s certainly nice of them.”
Murphy nodded, either missing or ignoring Cosmo’s sarcasm. “Which is why it may be interesting to meet them. They have no problem with us if they’re willing to protect our planet from their intergalactic battle. Not only that, if they have enough power to blow up a moon and create this force field, being nice to them is our best option.”
Cosmo sauntered along, half-listening to Murphy’s ramblings as his friend routinely skipped ahead on the path and returned to Cosmo’s side to walk beside him. All the while, Cosmo’s gaze kept returning to the sky to fixate on the red force field. Beyond the translucent light, chunks of moon rock floated along, having no orbit any longer. Cosmo was so enthralled with the light that he walked into Murphy’s back.
Murphy stopped himself from stumbling forward into the open by clinging to Cosmo’s arm. It was due to Murphy’s grip that kept Cosmo rooted to his spot.
There, in Green Park’s clearing, was the lady in red from the restaurant a couple of hours ago, complete with her long cigarette holder. She was standing as tall as possible, her gaze riveted on where the moon used to be. She wasn’t alone.
“What are those?” Murphy whispered, and Cosmo could only shake his head. The little red and pink lights floating around the lady were odd enough, but after studying them for a few more moments, Cosmo realized that they were not just sparkles.
“They have wings,” Cosmo said. “Those lights have wings. Like, like…”
“Fairies?” Murphy supplied.
Cosmo backed away. “We need to go tell someone about this.”
“Seriously?” Murphy glanced up at him. “Which is more believable? Aliens or fairies?”
Cosmo hesitated. “Maybe if we take a picture with our phones–”
One of the pink fairies suddenly flew at his face, chattering angrily like a squirrel frustrated with a tricky bird feeder. Murphy yelped, the sound making several other fairies turn in their general direction, and both men bolted down one of the park’s pathways.
“We’re running from a fairy,” Murphy said in between pants. “How manly is that?”
“Shut up,” Cosmo said, “and remember that these fairies probably blew up the moon.”
Cosmo and Murphy burst through the edge of the pathway and ended up in the backyards of one of the suburban neighborhoods near Green Park. The fairy pursued them, and Cosmo swore that the pink glow was turning crimson.
“Is this how it ends?” Cosmo asked.
“If it is,” Murphy said, “are those going to be your last words?”
“Really?” Cosmo said. “That’s what you’re thinking about right now?”
“Last words are important,” Murphy said, backing away from the advancing fairy. “It’s how we’ll go down in history.”
“If we both die right now,” Cosmo said, “there is no one else to hear our last words. So it doesn’t matter what we say and why am I arguing with you about this–”
Both men screamed when a shotgun rang out and the pink fairy was gone.